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Mike Singletary is fairly old school. And by “fairly” I mean if it was up to him he’d burn down the new school and reopen the old school on its ashes. As a head coach in The National Football League (tm Ron Jaworski) his goal is to be more physical (excuse me, fisical) than the other team first and foremost. He wants to go out and hit people in the mouth and win 13-10. And so far, relatively speaking, it’s worked for him---he took over a 2-5 team last year and closed out the year by going 5-4 using a ball-control offense that limited turnovers and a solid defense.

The plan this year is for even more of the same. Frank Gore is going to average, if my calculations are correct and they usually are, 57 carries a game. Shaun Hill has to not turn the ball over and complete the occasional 3rd down pass to Ike Bruce or Arnaz Battle (who again are going to engage in a struggle to see who can get the fewest yards after the catch---Battle won last year with 0.) The defense has to be physical and be there all day.

This all sounds ok on paper. I mean, I like to hit people in the mouth as much as the next guy. And after 6 consecutive years of missing the playoffs I don’t really care how they win as long as they do. My only concern (well, aside from the fact that they went 7-9 last year and brought back almost exactly the same team) is that this strategy is outdated. You see, dear reader, I, Tanner Boyle, am a new school kind of guy. I’m perfectly fine winning games 34-31. I like explosive offenses and bend-don’t-break defenses. I like quarterbacks who can do things other than hand off and throw 7 yard passes. I hate the phrase game manager almost as I hate game managers. I think you score points in the passing game, not the running game. I think you lose if you kick field goals.

The old school is going to be tested immediately when the 9ers travel to Phoenix to play the new school Cardinals and their fancy-pants passing game. A win in that game would go a long way toward me purchasing some new books, but for now, color me skeptical.

Season prediction: same team, same record: 7-9.

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

Graphs are pretty cool so why not have a segment called "Awesome Graphs"? Consider it done young old people that read stuff. I am just your humble virtual public servant. Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Awesome Graphs!

WASHINGTON (AP) — The White House has hired actor Kal Penn as a liaison between President Barack Obama's administration and Hollywood.

White House spokesman Shin Inouye said Tuesday that the actor who has a recurring role on Fox's TV show "House" and has starred in several movies would join the staff as an associate director in the Office of Public Liaison. His role will be to connect Obama with the Asian-American and Pacific Islander communities, as well as arts and entertainment groups.

Penn starred as Kumar in the movie, "Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay."

Penn was an Obama supporter during the campaign. The White House says a start date for Penn hasn't been set.

The hire was first reported by Entertainment Weekly

Seems to me like Obama could have gotten more of a mover and shaker than House's bitch, but I'm sure he'll at least be bringing White Castle burgers to the White House, plus there's always a chance he'll bring NPH with him. Why not just cut out the middle man and name Barney Stinson liaison to all that is awesome?

Sidenote: I Tivo'd House last night, and looking up a picture of Kal Penn, I totally just found out about the shocking surprise from last nights episode. Sometimes the internet is not so cool.

Being a woman, I'm all about the empowerment of women, obviously - but there are times when women just make it too easy to not take them seriously. Case in point:

Lorene Scafaria [who co-wrote "Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist"] and Diablo Cody are usually not a duo, but half of a quartet. With their pals Dana Fox, who wrote “What Happens in Vegas,” and Liz Meriwether, a playwright-turned-screenwriter, they make up a Hollywood powerhouse writing posse who call themselves “The Fempire.”

I liked "Juno", a lot - so my apologies to Diablo Cody - but are we really bragging about "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist" and "What Happens in Vegas"? That makes you part of something called a Fempire? You can probably feel how red my face is right now and you are absolutely on point. I don't really know what else to say right now.

Editors Note: I feel obliged to mention that "What Happens in Vegas" was shown to me on a plane, and the only movie I have refused to watch on a plane is "Mad Money". I probably should have denied WHIV because I can never get those two hours back, but you win some, you lose some.

File this one under, "Shocking News"

Some Phish fans are leaving Hampton a little lighter than when they arrived for the band's weekend reunion.

Police said Monday they confiscated about $1.2 million in illegal drugs and more than $68,000 in cash from concertgoers. Authorities also arrested 194 Phish fans during the three-night celebration of the band's return to the stage after a nearly five-year absence.

Most of the arrests were for drug possession, use and distribution, police said.

Tourism officials had estimated 75,000 fans would be coming to the coastal Virginia city. Nearly 200 law enforcement officers worked the weekend event, with the Vermont-based band picking up the tab.

I accept your judgment for watching The Bachelor this year, but I won't apologize. Maybe it makes me feel more sane watching 25 strangers pretend to be best friends and fall in love with a man they've known for a few weeks and spent, at most, 2 hours alone with. And how does ABC consistently find women that have seemingly never seen the show to familiarize themselves with the format? There are always a few that act so surprised when they have to rap in front of a fireplace on national television. Then again, why am I trying to make sense of this... most of these women are batshit crazy. In real life, if a girl at a bar told you she had a vision board to will your love, had memorized all your cousins names before you met and wrote you a poem about your future wedding day - she would be sent packing and fast.

I thought it might take a long time to find a quote that gives non-watchers the best summation. It took less than one minute. Appendages have always been confusing to me too.

"The toughest part about being with the women in the house, um, was the fact that there were so many {sigh} different, you know, things going on at once. People were going on dates, people are feeling this way, you know, it's like a whole bunch of arms, and then there is like one body, and then you're just like not really sure how to feel at any significant moment."

As if the Cowboys needed another distraction, the traveling circus will now apparently include a reality show winner. Michael Irvin will host this reality bonanza where 12 individuals will compete to earn a shot to walk all over Wade Phillips.

The show… will feature twelve amateurs who will move to Dallas and compete against one another to earn a shot at a spot in Dallas Cowboys training camp next summer and potentially a spot on the team. [...]

The twelve contestants, including six wide receivers and six defensive backs, will be broken into two teams, overseen by notable former Cowboys coaches and players. Guest judges will appear along the way including other former players, coaches, media personalities and Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones.

Something tells me Matt Jones is just dying to get on this cast. Travis Henry could slim down to play some corner, too. Get it? Cause they all snort a ton of cocaine? Is this thing on?

I checked out Momma's Boy on NBC because I'm a sucker for reality TV and I frankly needed the comic relief after vicariously living through a recent fantasy football super bowl/major game with playoff implications wrapped up in one game. Thankfully my time was not wasted as one of the contestants, who is a major front runner, is actually named Brittany Fuchs - that's right folks, FUCHS. I think you know what I'm talking about.

Brittany Fuchs
Hometown: Fairfax, VA
Occupation: Realtor
Age: 23

Who doesn't love Teen Wolf? It's home to the 3 golden rules to life, as told by Coach Finstock;

"never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese."

and more importantly, it brought us Rupert "Stiles" Stilinski, one of the greatest instigators in cinematic history. Apparently Greg White, of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, recognizes brilliance when he sees it, as he's chosen to one up Chad Johnson, and changed his legal name.

Tampa Bay's second-year DE has officially changed his name. On Monday, a Hillsborough County Circuit Court granted White's request to change his name from Gregory Alphonso White Jr. to Stylez G, White.

Circuit Judge Steve Scott Stephens signed off on White's petition and as White walked through the Bucs locker room Monday, he gleefully distributed copies of the final judgment.

White said he picked his new name from a character in the 1985 movie "Teen Wolf,'' starring Michael J. Fox.

*anxiously awaiting Robert Gallery changing his legal name to, "Booger"*