Movie Review

Haiku Reviews: Shrek Forever After

It could have been worse

Like say the last one they made

But it is better

 

Some of the jokes work

Most of them are the same though

As the last three times

 

The dance scenes were bad

Really really really bad

And the plot is old

 

It's nice to be done

It was good while it lasted

It lasted too long

Haiku Reviews: Prince Of Persia: The Sands Of Time

I've seen this one before

Guy gets framed then flees, returns

Cue obvious twist

 

Super powers fine

But why no super monsters

Try to keep it real?

 

Gyllenhaal not great

The sands of time go real slow

And nowhere really

 

No need for sequel

Story is boring and old

Too soon to reboot?

Haiku Reviews: Robin Hood

Smelly smelly terd

Talking clear out a room bad

No funny no fun

 

Way too serious

More like Gladiator 2

With assumed sequel

 

Russel Crowe needs break

No more tough guy roles, four years

His shtick is tired

 

Action scenes retread

Plot is lazy and all over

Water fight, really?

Haiku Reviews: A Nightmare On Elm Street

Bad Idea Jeans

Only one Freddy Krueger

Not really scary

 

Lame plot and acting

Boring kills and no funny

Please no more Freddy

Haiku Reviews: Iron Man 2

Slick but recycled

An ad for other movies

Iron meh fo sho

 

Scar Jo super stiff

Drunk scene just awful and stale

Okay but not good

The Back-Up Plan Is Not Good

When Al Gore invented the internet he probably had no idea that people would waste their time talking about shitty Jennifer Lopez movies with it, but you best believe we're going to do just that. Did I give away my thoughts?  Sorry. The Back-up Plan is not funny. The Back-up Plan is not romantic, nor touching, nor original or interesting in any sort of way. This isn't coming from some J-Lo hater or anything either, I love her work in South Park and even named one of my goldfish Jenny From The Block.  The truth is this movie just sucks.

Public Enemies

The newest film from director Michael Mann tells the story of the chase for "public enemy number one", John Dillinger, played by everybody's favorite 21 Jumpstreet alum Johnny Depp. The entire world loves Johnny Depp so he's not really on the line here. I am pretty sure he could adapt 2 Girls 1 Cup for the big screen and there would be a line around the block. I don't know what that says about him exactly but it definitely says something. Christian Bale stars as Melvin Purvis, the FBI Agent sent by J Edgar Hoover to clean up the dirty 1930's Chicago streets and capture Dillinger. Bale has recently achieved megastardom with his roles in the Christopher Nolan Batman films as well as his role as John Conner in Terminator Salvation, so he's not really on the line here either; however, it should be noted that he still has a severe case of over-accent-itis.

Michael Mann wrote and directed LAST OF THE MOHICANS (1992), Heat (1995), and The Insider (1999) consecutively. That is a very strong run of filmmaking. Next Mann directed Will Smith in Ali (2001), and while I am of the belief that Ali was overrated, it's still anything but garbage. Ali was undoubtedly a step down from The Insider which meant Mann may have hit his peak. Possibly by coincidence, but probably not, Ali also marked Mann's first foray into the Jamie Foxx business. Mann again teamed with Foxx and a little hobbit named Tom Cruise for his next film Collateral, which was when Mann decided to forgo traditional film, and start shooting in HD. Miami Vice was next and reteamed Mann and Foxx with Colin Farrell's ridiculous haircut and chutzpah. The results were not good. After this Mann seemed to make sure to stick it to the rest of us that missed Miami Vice by getting a producer's credit on the abomination that was Hancock. Let's just say Mann's got a lot of making up to do.

For most of the movie Public Enemies feels like an art film dressed up like a summer blockbuster. The film is shot with the typical handheld cameras and borderline obtrusive closeups that Mann has successfully used to create his distinct style. I have always been fascinated with the way Mann builds suspense through tense dramatic scenes only to explode with action at the drop of a coin, and this technique is certainly on display here. In many ways Public Enemies is a perfect execution of a well developed craft, but I can't stop shaking the feeling that it was missing some action.

Much of the film focuses on Dillinger's apparent instant connection with Billie Frechette, who is played capably by Marion Cotillard. Dillinger is depicted as an overall pretty good guy that is "just having too much fun" to change his reckless ways. While the chase and subsequent caputure of Dillinger occurred in the thick of The Great Depression, you won't see much of that here. The film would feel flat without the historical context and big names of Dillinger, Pretty Boy Floyd, and Baby Face Nelson, which in turn makes it seem like a bit of a crutch. In fact all the movie really seems to feature are law enforcement members with dangerously slicked back hair, bank robbers with dangerously slicked back hair, gangsters with dangerously slicked back hair, and hookers. In many ways the real star of the film is hair gel.

The film is shot beautifully if you can handle the Mann style, the shootout and chase scenes are pretty riveting, and while many of the shots are extremely dark, they certainly make the gun fire pop off the screen. Depp delivers a typically solid performance, granted not as fun as normal, and Bale is fine, albeit overly intense. Billy Crudup gives a pretty fantastic performance as J Edgar Hoover and the rest of the cast somewhat blends into the background.

The pacing makes the movie feel criminally slow at times, but these scenes are usually the calm before a storm of furious action. I will be interested to see if there is an extended director's cut as the robbery scenes are pretty blah. There really is no developed planning we are privy to, and the actual robberies are pretty in and out, so the audience is never really invested in the heists, which is a shame as Mann does this kind of exposition brilliantly in Heat and The Insider.

Overall I liked the movie, although I think it would have been better served to be marketed as a character driven awards type movie, as opposed to the summer action blockbuster. Either way it's a step up from Miami Vice, so nice work Mr. Mann. Oh yeah, and no Jamie Foxx.

Revolutionary Road

Revolutionary Road is not going to make you laugh. If I remember correctly there is exactly one scene that makes you smile and it's after a very depressed Leonardo just cheated on his wife only to see she still loves him. So even that isn't really a high quality smile. You certainly will spend a lot of your time with your insides clenched as if you were hiding from a boogey man or at the very least trying to stay vapor distance away from someone with really bad breath. In a way Revolutionary Road has bad breath.

Yes Man

No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No

Gran Torino

It's hard to start a review of a Clint Eastwood movie. You already know what you are getting if you are paying attention, a finely crafted film with a gripping story and an unexpected ending that will leave you feeling anything but the typical happy. Gran Torino fills that checklist, as you would expect. And once again, as you should have come to expect by now, Gran Torino is a masterful film, that will surely have the Academy as excited as I am.

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