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New Beverly Hills Cop Script Sucks

I am fairly convinced there are only three people in the world that think another Beverly Hills Cop is a good idea. Eddie Murphy, Eddie Murphy's accountant, and Brett Ratner. The spectacular El Chavo at Latino Review have an insiders look at the new script "Beverly Hills Cop 2009" that is floating around. The best part is the movie has a planned 2010 release date.

It's been 15 years since Axel Foley was last in Beverly Hills, and screenwriters Michael Brandt and Derek Haas needed a good reason to bring him back. That reason comes just a couple of pages into the latest script for Beverly Hills Cop IV (which calls itself Beverly Hills Cop 2009) - Judge Reinhold's Billy Rosewood takes a leap out the 20th story of the Los Angeles Police HQ. When Axel hears that his former partner and best buddy became sidewalk salad he knows it wasn't a suicide and he flies to Beverly Hills to get all the facts for himself.

I am pretty sure that is just a combination of the reasons why Axl comes to LA from parts one,two, and three, while getting rid of one of the best characters from the originals. Let's hear more:

Unfortunately, a lot of the shit in the middle is way boring. The whole problem with another Beverly Hills Cop movie is that the basic idea that Axel Foley is this rough and tumble Detroit cop who is a fish out water in upscale Beverly Hills is played out. He's done a lot of time in Beverly Hills. In this movie they mention that they teach his cases at the police academy and that a restaurant had an Axel Foley sandwich on the menu! (It's been renamed the Timbaland) Axel Foley knows his way around LA better than his new partner on the case who was born there.

Good point Mr Chavo, too bad the screenwriters couldn't think of that when this is their job. Would it really be ridiculous at this point to just have Axl live in LA, it's not like he talks about how much he loves Detroit throughout the first three. That makes too much sense, let's move on.

That new partner is Goodwin, a fat rookie with low self-esteem who has a crush on a lady cop in the facial recognition department. When he's not solving the mystery of who tossed Billy out the window, Axel is playing matchmaker with these two. He's also teaching Goodwin how to be a better cop. It's like the Axel Foley Finishing School.

Are we sure Ratner isn't trying to become an auteur? That part sounds like it was written for him. Some other highlights:

Axl has no funny lines
Axl doesn't do anything cool
Axl swears every three words
It's like a Schwarzanegger script

Whoa! Where do I sign up for early tickets. This sounds so good! I'm being so sarcastic! What are your thoughts on no My Name is Judge and the rest of this awful idea?

Steve Buscemi to Break the Law on HBO for Scorcese

Best Prohibition bootlegger in the world, self taught. Thanks Dad! This is certainly something I can get excited about, granted not enough to actually pay for premium movie channels instead of downloading their watchable shows on the internet. Martin Scorcese is developing a drama show for HBO called "Boardwalk Empire" and the latest rumors have the super hella awesome Steve Buscemi in the lead role.

Written by Terrence Winter and to be directed by Scorsese, "Empire" is based on Nelson Johnson's book, which chronicles the 1920s origins of Atlantic City, N.J. Buscemi would play Nucky Johnson, a cunning businessman who runs a liquor distribution ring at the onset of Prohibition. The Scotland-born Macdonald would play Margaret, a smart Irish immigrant who married the wrong man to get out of her parents' house.

So, Scorcese directing a period piece drama where Buscemi is a bootlegger. What are your thoughts on "Boardwalk Empire" and Marty directing some TV? I'm already looking for the download.

Plaxico Burress Not a Trained Assassin, Shoots Himself

I can't believe this is true, as I first heard about it on a Phish message board, but now ESPN is running with it so it seems that it is. You can always count on the new wave hippie.

New York Giants receiver Plaxico Burress suffered an accidental gunshot wound Friday night in a club, according to multiple sources.

Details of the incident weren't immediately available, but according to a source the wound was not considered life-threatening.

Fox Sports.com reported that Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg and spent the night in the hospital.

Obviously the Giants are not commenting on the story as they are simply doing their best to keep Tom Coughlin away so he doesn't finish the job Plaxico started. Seriously. He's 6'5 230 pounds of straight muscle. What the hell is he doing with a gun in his pocket at a nightclub? It will be interesting to see how this plays out as the Giants have been steamrolling the league with no thanks to Plaxico, as he has been a giant douche for the entire season. What are your thoughts on the Case of the Accidental Self-Shooting?

Guttenberg Mania is About to Strike

Are you ready for some not too funny comedy? You think they haven't made enough Police Academy movies? Always hoping for another Three Men and a Something. Well, look no further, Guttenberg is here.

On Police Academy

“So far it is really great, everyone from the original movies who is still around will return,” says” Guttenberg. “I know Kim (Cattrall) and Sharon (Stone) have been asked but they haven’t said yes yet. It would be really great to have them onboard."

On Desperation

“Tom Selleck, Ted Danson and I are looking to make another Three Men And A Baby movie,” says Steve. “It’s called Three Men and A Bride. The script is pretty much written and we are really keen to get that made. We’re very hopeful."

Hopefully all of these things come true, and we have an 80's stars revival, and then Danza takes his rightful seat on the throne. How bout a Who's the Boss movie? Jonathan can be coming out of the closet, Samantha can be dating any athlete that she comes near, and Mona can be a Viagra spokesperson. Tony can be President, and overturn Prop 8 so that Jonathan can be happy. I smell Oscar.

Here is the Guttenmonster doing his thing. Super ...... Hellla ....... Awesome

Billy Corgan Thinks Eddie Vedder is a Jinx

Not unlike me, Billy Corgan had an extremely adverse reaction to the Eddie Vedder terd sandwich "All the Way" or as the more common name "That Shitty Cubs Song that Pearl Jam Guy Did". At a recent Pumpkins 3.0 show in Chicago the always jovial Billy Corgan explained his thoughts on the song.

"If the Cubs did have a chance this last year that just passed, fuckin’ Eddie Vedder killed that shit dead. Last I checked Eddie ain’t living here, okay? Eddie ain’t living here to write a song about my fuckin’ team."

Seriously, have you ever met a Cubs fan that wasn't a giant douche?

Larry David Channels Woody Allen in Whatever Works

Three stills have been released from the new Woody Allen movie Whatever Works starring Larry David. I wonder if insecurity is going to be featured in the story.

A highly eccentric character played by Larry David runs into a young girl from the South and soon after, her mother and soon after, her father. The three of them, along with Larry David's crazy Greenwich Village friends, get into a series of highly improbable, far out, romantic entanglements.

The cast also includes Evan Rachael Wood, Patricia Clarkson, Michael McKean, and Ed Begley. I am definitely interested in this one. You can check out a couple other pictures at the link below, but I warn you, it's French.

Warriors Add Much-Needed Guard

The Warriors made the first big trade of the 2008/’09 NBA season this week, sending forward Al Harrington to the New York Knicks for guard Jamal Crawford. The trade makes sense for both teams: the Knicks shed salary in anticipation of the monster free agent class of 2010 and the Warriors move head coach Don Nelson one step closer to fulfilling his dream of a starting lineup consisting of 5 shooting guards.

In his 2 years with the Warriors, Harrington was consistent only in his inconsistency. When his jumpshot was on he was a valuable member of the small lineups Nellie prefers. When it wasn’t his relative weakness in defense and rebounding become that much more apparent, and he often became a net minus on the floor for the Warriors.

Harrington clearly had to go: like many of Nellie’s players before him, he grew tired of playing out of position and banging with bigger guys every night (that’s what she said) and wanted a change of scenery. To make this happen, he faked an injury with such enthusiasm that Vince Carter sent him a text congratulating him on his fine work.

So, given that the Warriors weren’t exactly dealing from a position of strength with their player refusing to play and demanding a trade, and that Harrington doesn’t have a ton of value around the league even in normal circumstances, did they make the best trade they could?

Reports out of Chicago say that the Warriors and Bulls were set to finalize a deal exchanging Harrington for Kirk Hinrich before Hinrich tore a tendon in his thumb and went on the shelf for at least 3 months. Hinrich would have been a good fit in some ways: the Warriors don’t have a traditional point guard on the roster and anything that takes the ball out of Stephen Jackson’s hands on occasion and prevents him from making horrific decisions is a good thing. On the other hand, Hinrich has a big contract and a Hinrich/ Monta Ellis backcourt is similar enough to the failed Hinrich/ Gordon Bulls backcourt that essentially recreating it would have been questionable.

Holidaze in 15 Days - Excitement Explosion

Seriously, the people that pass on Caribbean Holidaze are just insane. Or maybe this just doesn't sound fun to you?

Mystic Mountain with Ryan Stasik
Join Pony on an adventure to a new eco-friendly attraction located in Ocho Rios. Mystic Mountain features a unique Jamaican Bobsled ride through the lush tropical forest, a chairlift journey over the countryside, a zip-line canopy adventure through the treetops, an island culture and heritage center, as well as mountaintop dining and shopping venues.

This is to go along with the tennis tournament, golf tournament, poker tournament, sand art contest, surf and turf volleyball tournament, trip to Dunn's River Falls. Oh and amazing music while you are dancing in the sand and the waves of the seas are mildly crashing 30 yards behind you with the stars as incredibly bright as you can imagine. In Jamaica, with 800 other people having the times of their lives. Yeah , I can see how you'd want to miss it. Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pumped.

Mantis is Coming, and Staying the Weekend

Do you like houseguests? Do you like houseguests that stay for multiple nights at a time? Then Mantis is for you. Umphrey's McGee's new album Mantis drops on Inaguration Day, Jan 20th. The album is composed of entirely new material that the band has yet to perform, but the Mantis tour will surely change that. The fun part this time around is that the tour has quite a bit of multi-night runs, which are certainly good for you more adventurous people that like to make Super Hella Awesome roadtrips (I am thinking of you 4 nights in Madison).

Obviously the horrible part of this list is that nothing is west of the far away, and really cold in January, state of Colorado. Oh well, I am pretty sure SF will be getting a weekend of three amazing shows before the summer. Also interesting to note the lack of shows listed March 6-8. Someone going to Hampton? (Umphrey's late night please lord!)

Dates are listed after the jump

Knicks Make Two Trades, Prepping for Lebron

The Knicks have agreed to trade Jamal Crawford to the Warriors for the rights to the horrible basketball player that goes by the name of Al Harrington. This is clearly a cost cutting move as Crawford is coming into his own while Harrington continues to be an overrated talent, and nothings going to change. After this move, the Knicks sent perennial Me-First All-American Zach Randolph and Mardy Collins to the Clippers for Tim Thomas and Cutino Mobley-Francis. Both of these moves scream two things, Isiah isn't running the team anymore, and Lebron will be getting a very tempting offer from the Knicks in 2010. There is absolutely no way he stays in Cleveland. I guess it's Jay-Z's move now.

For fantasy purposes I don't see much changing for anyone except for Randolph's numbers dropping. Crawford will probably lead the NBA in 3's, but that hasn't changed much leaving D'Antoni for Nelly. The good thing for him is that he still doesn't have to play defense.

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