The Karate Kid Remake

This story was so depressing it took me a day to post it. There is no reason for me to try and be funny here because it's all going to hurt no matter how you look at it so I am just going to post all of the info and you can digest it any way you see fit, even if you feel that no digesting should occur. The story details come from the glorious movie blog Moviehole

Here's the storyline:

Sherry is offered a transfer to China. Considering the U.S office is about to lay off everyone, it's really her only choice; especially since nobody else at the office has been offered a transfer. With her young son Dre (Jaden Smith) in tow, the single-mother makes Beijing her new home. Needless to say, not knowing Chinese, and experiencing a bit of culture shock, they both find it a little hard to settle in - - Dre especially.

Like Daniel Larusso in the original film, Dre (who, unlike Larusso, is a skateboarding video-game buff) immediately catches the attention of the local bullies - in particular, Lui Wei Cheng. And before too long, Dre is going home with bruises (he tries to hide a black-eye under a cap by pulling it as far down his face as he can) and whining about wanting to return to the states.

Dre's enrolled into a strict Beijing Middle School. His first day there is a bit of a shambles - the assistant principal spots his bruises, and assumes he's been fighting (which, of course, they don't accept under any circumstances), and he turns up in a school uniform, something he didn't have to wear that day (there's only certain days when a uniform is required).

The Mr Myiagi character is actually named Mr. Han (Jackie Chan). He's the maintenance man of the apartment lock that Sherry and Dre have moved into, and meets the new residents when he's called over to fix their hot water service. From the bathroom, Han spots Dre practicing martial-arts kicks (unsuccessfully) in front of a video-game, and catches his black eye. Later, of course, he'll agree to teach him - both martial-arts and the Chinese language (so he can impress his mother by haggling over apples).

The ‘John Kreese' character - the character played by Martin Kove in the original film - is Li Quan Ha, the owner of the Fighting dragon school of Kung-Fu. One visit to the school - in which Li Quan terrorizes his students (who range from the age of 3 onwards), namely Lui Wei Cheng - and Dre is immediately put off.

Oh, and yes, there's a love interest - someone mother wants Dre to bring home for dinner.

"The film has a similar tone to the original movie", I'm told. "There are a lot of funny lines - mainly delivered by Jackie Chan. It is actually a good script though, very good in fact. It's different enough to be considered its own beast too".

So Dre, Mr Han, Li Quan, Lui Wei Cheng are the replacement names for the characters of Daniel LaRusso, Mr Miyagi, John Kreese, and Johnny Lawrence. Seriously, someone fire the name changer immediately.

What are your thoughts on the video game based plotline of The Karate Kid about a kid who learns Kung Fu?

I hate to inform everyone of this, but Jackie Chan is going to play Mr Miyagi. They have also switched the setting from Los Angeles to China because everyone involved in the remake didn't bother to see The Karate Kid 2. I'm sick from this story.

Luckily Harold Zwart is attached to direct, so at least that is good. You probably remember him from such masterpieces as Agent Cody Banks or the upcoming Pink Panther 2. Boy does that look good.

Since they are going to China can we officially start calling this a remake of Karate Kid 2?

It seems lately that all they do in Hollywood are romantic comedies, remakes of old movies and movies based on comic books. I think it would be best if we just fired everyone that works in the movie industry, and hired the guy that does the intros to the movies on TCM (probably the best channel on television) to run everything. There is no way he lets this bastardization happen:

Variety confirms that Jaden (Smith) will star in a “refashioned” remake of the 1980’s classic. It gets worse, the film will be set in an exotic locale, with a shoot planned for next year in Beijing. Chris Murphy’s screenplay is said to “borrow elements” from the original film, and is not a strict remake.

Usually I just assume shit storms like this will be removed from the public light like Mandy Patinkin. That being said I have a feeling the Fresh Prince isn't letting anything get in the way of his son being able to afford all that expensive Scientology help on his own, which is probably why the Fresh Prince isn't only allowing it, he is producing it. Didn't he already do enough with all that Hancock advertising?

I am sorry Pat Morita, you did nothing wrong. I have let you down and will now continue the lashings. 356........357...........358.