David Hasselhoff Does Porn For Sons Of Anarchy

In news that undoubtedly will set your heart a flutter, the one and only David Hasselhoff has signed on to join the boys of SAMCRO on the upcoming fourth season of FX's fantastic Sons Of Anarchy. In a role that sounds even better than last season's cleaner, played by Stephen King, the Hoff will fufill his life long destiny of joining the porn industry. Clearly the cheeseburger afficianado negotiated some anatomy descriptors in to his contract.

The former America's Got Talent judge will play Dondo, a well-endowed former porn star who is now making major coin by producing sleazy girl-on-girl adult films. Turns out Dondo was given a major career boost by Luanne (Dendrie Taylor) and gets involved in a little dirty work in her memory.

Sadly I've never met an adult film producer, but I can't imagine any of them fill the stereotype I envision any better than the Hoff. But wait, it gets better, sort of. Per showrunner/potty mouth extraordinaire Kurt Sutter comes the following mind-blower:

here's the best part... hoff and tom arnold in the same scene. say it ain't so, joe. say it ain't so...  

Oh how I love thee Mr. Sutter. Season 4 of the third best show on television (1 - South Park, 2- Breaking Bad) starts some time this September.  [via tvguide]

Kids Incorporated Mondays: I Only Want To Be With You

Not sure exactly what it says about me that I was bummed this wasn't the Hootie and the Blowfish tune, but those doldrums were quickly kicked to the curb when I basked in the creepiness that is Kids Incorporated covering Dusty Springfield's "I Only Want To Be With You". I'm pretty sure that creepy brunette is a young Jennifer Love Hewitt if only based on the spazm heavy dance moves, either way this would have been a wonderful subject on Mystery Science Theater 3000. Let's check in with some devoted followers/commenters:

Nitingale78 - Ryan was 18 when he left. He's 4 years older than Stacy. Depending on when her last season ended she was either 14 or 15 when she left. But yeah that's a possibility that she left because none of the original were there anymore. But Ryan wasn't as original either, he came on a year after the show started. Who knows why Stacy quit. I doubt they (the producers, execs and directors) let her go, she was too popular. 

SClubLover89 - Yeah, that's true. Maybe she didn't think it felt as fun anymore since none of Jerry, Martika, Renee or Rahsaan were there anymore. She was the last of the originals. And yeah, Ryan came in season 2, but still, he was there when Martika, Renee and Rahsaan all still were too. I'm sure Stacy liked it with this bunch too, but she probably missed the originals (and Ryan). Maybe it's as simple as she felt that it was time to do something else and that 5 years on the show was enough or something.

Nitingale78 - Yep. She probably was just ready to move on. It would be kinda hard for her to miss Ryan though. They were dating in this season, I think they started in his final season. So she still had him at least. I hope that when they broke up it was a good break up and they were able to stay friends. I missed the old cast to. JLH was the only one who kept i bearable after Stacy left. And when JLH left I couldn't watch it anymore. I had no more favorites on the show.

SClubLover89  - Yeah, exactly. She probably just felt that it was time for her to move on. I didn't know that she and Ryan were dating. That's cool :) I hope it was a good break-up too. I'm sure they're still friends, I'm sure (and hope) they all are :) I know exactly what you mean. My favourites are JLH, Rahsaan, Martika and Connie. When none of them were left (so like you said, after JLH left), I didn't like the either. I still liked Kenny, but it wasn't enough. I had no more favourites left either.

And there you have it, the Kids Incorporated timeline and dating factoid spectacular. It's pretty magnificent as long as you are hoping Stacy and Ryan had a good break-up.

Brian Wilson Is Feeling Pretty Delicious, Explains "Got Heeeem"

It should be noted that a Willie McCovey bobblehead is staring at me from my desk, so in no ways can I pretend to be impartial in regards to Showtime's upcoming series The Franchise: A Season With The San Francisco Giants. The good thing is I don't need to pretend when there are amazing clips like this one of Brian Wilson explaining his new battle cry "Got Heeeem". If it wasn't for my love of all thing Beach Boys, I'd want Wilson to legally change his name to "Papa's Feeling Pretty Delicious". Wait, maybe I should do that. Is that copyright infringement? Any lawyers out there feel free to chime in. The Showtime series premieres Wednesday, July 13th at 10PM.

Boardwalk Empire's Season Two Teaser Will Ruin All Of You

Welcome back Nucky! HBO has just released a teaser for season two of Boardwalk Empire and spoiler alert, it looks fantastic. Expanding business, Chalky White wanting revenge, Nucky Thompson vowing to ruin all of you, and of course the KKK, because nothing says Atlantic City like a pointy white hat. Must not have been labor day yet.

While there's no official season premiere date set, the show will return this fall, presumably to the Sunday night sweet spot, and hopefully teamed up with the upcoming David Milch written, Michael Mann directed Luck, starring Dustin Hoffman and Nick Nolte. Drinking and gambling have always been a natural, if not bankrupting, pair.

Watch Spike Jonze's Arcade Fire Short Scenes From The Suburbs

It's been a long time coming but the Spike Jonze's short film "Scenes From The Suburbs" based on Arcade Fire's latest fantastic record The Suburbs is finally available for online viewing. The trailer is above while the actual short can be seen by clicking here. As for the specifics let's have the official blurb do some explaining:

Director Spike Jonze teams up with Arcade Fire to create a thirty-minute short film inspired by their critically acclaimed album, The Suburbs, and its themes of war and coming of age in suburbia. Co-written by Jonze & Arcade Fire’s Win Butler & Will Butler, this companion piece to the album follows the narrator, living in a suburban dystopia, trying to piece together fragmented memories from when he was a teenager, and his experiences with his friends as they grow apart. [via mubi]

As with all things that involve the great Spike Jonze, it's best to go in without anything even remotely spoilery so I'll spare you my thoughts. Of course this isn't the only Spike Jonze/Arcade Fire/The Suburbs effort that exists as you may remember from the wonderful video for the album's title track.

Also the suburbs are scary.