It's no secret I can't stand MeBron's incessant back and forth over whether or not he is a nice guy, victim, or villain as he so aptly put in the douchiest Nike ad of all time (gloriously spoofed by South Park here). Mostly I had tried to block that from my mind like that one time Kirstie Alley seduced me at Fatburger, but with the latest NBA Cares commercial going around those visions came shooting back to his declaration that he is no role model. I'd call him a hypocrite but he's not even sure what he is. Either way I mashed them up, forgive me.
I made this graph because I really hate the Miami Heat, David Stern and how the NBA is officiated. Also I was bored and felt like making a graph.
When we first saw the abomination that is the new Mebron James advertising campaign we were so excited that we had to start a Douches In Advertising section. What that may have lacked in execution and hilarity certainly was compensated by a large heaping with heart. Thankfully some people much funnier than I went on ahead and did their own little parody of the commercial on a little show known as South Park. In the second of a three part super hero episode, Captain Hindsight is forced to question his actions and image, much like the Queen does in her new ad, although this one has a lot more honesty involved. The final episode of the Coon & Friends saga "Coon Vs. Coon & Friends" airs tonight at 10pm EST on Comedy Central.
It's no secret here at SHA that we think Mebron James is a world class douchenozzle, so much so that we are pretty sure he wets his bed at night, granted peeing on sheets of gold isn't nearly as bad as what we are all used to, believe me, I looked it up on the internet. Well after the Mebacle back when we all learned where someone "takes their talents", the Mebron machine went in to image restoration overdrive, unfortunately they apparently attended the Tiger Woods school of image restoration, which has since been closed down due to incompetence. Here is the latest ad campaign for the Nike employee, which is not too dissimilar to the self-appointed King's recent Twitter declaration to retweet some of the Twitter hate he receives, which itself is not unlike what a 13 year old girl might do.
I've questioned some of the marketing moves with the Queen's newly tarnished image, but this one really takes the cake. Essentially the 90 second ad - yes, 90 seconds - blames the audience for buying in to the carefully crafted image Team Mebron has been working on for the last eight years, claiming Mebron doesn't have to be what we want him to be. It's pretty classic that he jokes about acting considering he has several ad campaigns which feature more of him acting than doing sports, not to mention he has a movie project in the works. Then there's the idea "should i be a villain"? You don't have a choice you mutant that lacks any sense of self-awareness, you are a villain because you are a world class douche. No stolen routines of the clapping of chalk or team dances are going to change that.
Also calling out Barkley in the commercial? Can someone please give this moron some advice that doesn't resemble what the worst kid in third grade would recommend to his friends?
Phletch didn't really want to talk about the whole MeBron debacle but I convinced him he was being a baby and since he hates Dirty Dancing he relented to putting baby in the corner this time. So, you hear about the MeBron James kid? He's heading down to Miami, and what better way to give our thoughts than through bullets, like he left in the hearts of the entire state of Ohio.
It was only a matter of time but it looks like the official Lebron James Hollywood version is now headed to a theater near you.
Pic is a comedy about five guys from different backgrounds who come to Vegas to live out their fantasy by attending the LeBron James Adult Basketball Camp. While it should be enough that these dreamers get to breathe the same oxygen as their hero, the campers drag James into their various life issues, ranging from serious to idiotic.
Grazer produced the film 8 Mile with Eminem so he feels pretty good about the crossover feel. That and the fact that James wants to be a global icon should make this, at the very least, a confident duo. The commercials Lebron has made so far suggest that he has enough charisma to carry off the crossover, here's to hoping for a good script and no Larry The Cable Guy.
I hate commercials so I unfortunately missed out on how great these Kobe vs Lebron puppets commercials are. That little puppet is chumping Kobe harder that Danza did in his "Kobe is a Schmo" video. Awesome.
Damn Kobe, stop looking at my dick!
The Knicks have agreed to trade Jamal Crawford to the Warriors for the rights to the horrible basketball player that goes by the name of Al Harrington. This is clearly a cost cutting move as Crawford is coming into his own while Harrington continues to be an overrated talent, and nothings going to change. After this move, the Knicks sent perennial Me-First All-American Zach Randolph and Mardy Collins to the Clippers for Tim Thomas and Cutino Mobley-Francis. Both of these moves scream two things, Isiah isn't running the team anymore, and Lebron will be getting a very tempting offer from the Knicks in 2010. There is absolutely no way he stays in Cleveland. I guess it's Jay-Z's move now.
For fantasy purposes I don't see much changing for anyone except for Randolph's numbers dropping. Crawford will probably lead the NBA in 3's, but that hasn't changed much leaving D'Antoni for Nelly. The good thing for him is that he still doesn't have to play defense.