It's no secret I can't stand MeBron's incessant back and forth over whether or not he is a nice guy, victim, or villain as he so aptly put in the douchiest Nike ad of all time (gloriously spoofed by South Park here). Mostly I had tried to block that from my mind like that one time Kirstie Alley seduced me at Fatburger, but with the latest NBA Cares commercial going around those visions came shooting back to his declaration that he is no role model. I'd call him a hypocrite but he's not even sure what he is. Either way I mashed them up, forgive me.
Jimmy Fallon once again brought the thunder in his pop culture cover song while impersonating a legendary artist bit, this time focusing on everyone's favorite Harvard basketball player Jeremy Lin. The wonderful cover choice was none other than Pearl Jam's "Jeremy", a not so subtle nod to the fact that if the media doesn't stop talking about Lin like he's Tony Danza, Jimmy Fallon is going to go all high school shooting on our asses. Thankfully he gets the message across in the poignant nod, going so far as to call the New York Knicks latest overhyped sensation a Harvard nerd. Your move Louis Skolnick.
As an aside it's still worth pointing out, even after the years of proof we now have, that Jimmy Fallon has the best talk show on television. Jimmy Fallon, for reals.
I made this graph because I really hate the Miami Heat, David Stern and how the NBA is officiated. Also I was bored and felt like making a graph.
- David Stern won't watch any games because he will be busy in the kitchen making his famous pooh tacos for Kings fans.
- Kobe Bryant will yell at his teammates after missing a shot.
- The Magic will beat the Bulls in round 2.
- The Thunder will beat the Miami SuperFriends to win the title.
- Russell Westbrook will be the Finals MVP.
- Tim Duncan will have one last great playoff series against the Grizzlies.
- Mike Dunleavy Jr will suck.
- The Knicks will pick and roll Shaq off the floor.
- Gerald Wallace will keep Dirk under his season average.
- DeShawn Stevenson will finally get the credit he deserves for having Abe Lincoln tattooed on his throat.
- Chris Paul will play his last 5 games for the Hornets.
- Jeff Van Gundy will be the best color man while negotiating with the Warriors to become their next head coach before and after games.
- I will watch every game and bring really a lot of twitter thunder while doing so.
Yesterday saw the NBA officially announce the starting lineups for this year's All-Star game complete with Yao Ming as the starting center. Considering the Yaoster may never play another NBA game, let alone this year, it's pretty clear that the voting process is absurd, highlighted by the fact that there are no Celtics in the starting lineup. For anyone that has followed the NBA this season it's blatantly obvious that the Minnesota Timberwolves' Kevin Love is a surefire All-Star, granted he still has to fight through the popularity contest which is why we have this awesome campaign above.
"The Numbers" come with an aftershave, an eau de toilette, and many other assorted goodies including some nice modeling poses. Love it. You can check out more of the extremely impressive resume over at the campaign's official site 612AllStar.
When we first saw the abomination that is the new Mebron James advertising campaign we were so excited that we had to start a Douches In Advertising section. What that may have lacked in execution and hilarity certainly was compensated by a large heaping with heart. Thankfully some people much funnier than I went on ahead and did their own little parody of the commercial on a little show known as South Park. In the second of a three part super hero episode, Captain Hindsight is forced to question his actions and image, much like the Queen does in her new ad, although this one has a lot more honesty involved. The final episode of the Coon & Friends saga "Coon Vs. Coon & Friends" airs tonight at 10pm EST on Comedy Central.
Editor's note: Tanner actually submitted this before the Warriors started the season 2-0, somehow the stupid editor just took forever to post it. In my defense there was a Jean Claude Van Damme marathon I was partaking in on my couch, so it's not like there was really a choice in the matter.
With the 1-6 49ers well on their way to nailing my 9-7, division-winning season prediction, I thought I’d stop by and crack another egg of knowledge on your head, this time previewing one of the proudest franchises in all of sports, The Golden State Warriors.
You can’t talk about the NBA offseason without mentioning the one thing that was on everybody’s mind---would Chris Cohan finally die and rot in hell, oops, I mean, would he finally sell the Warriors. Dreams do come true, apparently, b/c he not only sold the team he sold it to a pretty awesome duo: one guy who’s from the Bay Area and has been a minority owner of the Celtics and one guy who produced Tango and Cash. The only way the offseason could have been better was if SHA member in good standing Red didn’t renege on his promise to host a champagne party if Cohan ever sold.
The team also made some fairly substantial moves on the court, starting with trading for David Lee, fresh off an allstar season with the Knicks. The price was reasonably high, both in dollars, as they had to sign him to an $80 million contract, and in talent, as they had to include everybody’s favorite prospect, Anthony Randolph in the deal. That said, Lee should be a good fit. He‘s a good character guy, he’s an efficient scorer, he rebounds and he and franchise player Steph Curry should play well off each other. Next they essentially traded Anthony Morrow for Dorell Wight, trying to get a more well rounded player on the wing. They signed Louis Amundson to be a backup big. They signed Rodney Carney to give them some depth on the wing. Reggie Williams should give them one of the better scoring 6th men in the association. Brandan Wight theoretically still has some potential. The hope is that these players combined with a bounceback season from Andris Biedrins, a more consistent season from Monta Ellis and continued development from Curry will get them back on the road to respectability. At the very least, they are starting a legitimate NBA player at every position on the floor and they are going to have some legitimate NBA size in the frontcourt for the first time in a while.
Championship parades through the beautiful streets of Oakland shouldn’t be planned just yet, but things are definitely looking up. With Cohan finally out, with a fairly decent young core on the roster and with about $15 million in expiring contracts the Warriors are in a place where a competent organization could make something happen. Your move, Lacob.
Phletch didn't really want to talk about the whole MeBron debacle but I convinced him he was being a baby and since he hates Dirty Dancing he relented to putting baby in the corner this time. So, you hear about the MeBron James kid? He's heading down to Miami, and what better way to give our thoughts than through bullets, like he left in the hearts of the entire state of Ohio.
When you read the title you are probably like, "Shaq, Rick James and a wig, that sounds interesting, I bet it gets boring though." You'd be wrong as Shaq is clearly a dedicated lip syncer, and his outfit is pretty great. This is borderline the most effort I've seen the big fella give in a few years, but to be fair it was worth the wait. Thank you fu.
Here is the trailer for the revamped NBA Jam that will be heading to the Wii later this year. It looks an awful lot like the original which is about the best compliment I can give to a new version of NBA Jam. I must admit, while doing somersault dunks with Kevin Durant looks like a lot of fun, I'm pretty excited about seeing my Tony Danza Mii flying shooting fireball three pointers over Mr Miyagi.
No official release date yet but the facebook page claims Fall 2010. They're going to have to be changing an awful lot of uniforms by then, as I'm pretty sure that O'Neal/James combo from the trailer won't exist. [via with leather]